Day 371

Reminders from the past for tomorrow.

Written record

12/26/19 - I feel more freedom and possibility when I let go. I will be patient.
1/17/20 - We learn expectations of how people react to us from our parents.
2/8/20 - I wonder if I have a protective layer on.
3/6/20 - But if I’ve learned anything over the past few years, it’s that whenever I think the problem is with [someone else], it’s actually with me.
3/7/20 - I feel like a part of me is not awake.
3/11/20 - Anyway, what’s stopping me, from any/all of it?
4/15/20 - Holy shit, so much has happened in a month?
4/19/20 - Why am I so worried about scarcity? There is value + goodness in feeling good.
6/20/20 - I want to practice abolition in every moment of my waking day. New relationships and modes of caring + caregiving. I do not need to see the fruits, but I will never not labor again.
6/28/20 - I want to be really intentional about what I say.
7/1/20 - I am enough.
7/4/20 - It was like she was blaming me for my own trauma. She was hurt, too. This isn’t my fault.
7/5/20 - I feel very alone.
7/8/20 - I feel spaciousness in my body, like there are just a bunch of atoms floating around. Reconfiguring/rewiring, like a puzzle. It feels true and new and foreign and possible and freeing and ancient.
7/21/20 - When I meditate, the quality of my days [is] better.
8/18/20 - What if the path to liberation is through joy + pleasure rather than through suffering + pain?
9/17/20 - It was like the weight, the heaviness of impending doom + death, had lifted.
10/20/20 - Maybe you can believe one thing and accept that it’s not right for you in your own life.
11/27/20 - Probably it means I just need to ask for what I want - to not be ashamed of having needs, to stop pretending I’m above (having) them, and to get my needs met.
12/7/20 - How can I choose a career path so selfish when so many others are suffering?
12/15/20 - Almost right away, I had the sensory experience that my worry was separate from me, and I could choose not to keep/follow it. I am the perfect one for this plan.